Outnumbered

First, lest you begin to think otherwise, my husband is a wonderful father. Second, the kids adore their time with Daddy. Third, I love my children but I have no illusions about them, they can try the hardiest of souls.

As a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom), I spend an inordinate amount of time with them, by myself. Weekdays, from too early in the morning until Hubby gets home in the evening, are my shift. Weekends and evenings have always been our tandem-parenting times. But for much of the last two years, I have been going to classes on Saturdays. This semester I added some evenings to my class schedule. I happen to think that these alone times with the kids are good for Hubby, but I think it’s getting to him. Poor man.

You see, he’s outnumbered. There are two of us and we have two kids, so we’re even. Status quo, dead-lock, tie, draw, stand-off. If this makes parenting sound like a battle, good, because often it is. No, more like a thousand little battles. With two parents in the House, we can divide and conquer; when there’s only one of us, they sense the shift in the balance of power. And then like cheetahs cutting a wounded gazelle from the herd, they attack. Now I don’t mean that literally, but they sure do pull out all the stops on the bad behaviors.

The evening class times seem less trying for Hubby, maybe because the cheetahs are exhausted from a full day of cutting Mama from the herd. But he gets the full-on naughty treatment on Saturdays, he literally does not know what to do with them all day. So he comes up with some creative ways to kill time.

While Night School is at the campus closest to our house, my Saturday class is at the campus all the way across town. Hubby and the kids drove me to class (well, Hubby did all the driving) and he told me his plans for the day. First, after dropping me off, they were going to drive all the way back to our part of town to go to his favorite Starbucks ™ and then, drive all the way back to the other side of town to go to the donut shop before heading back to the House. As often happens, plans changed. But he did get the donuts.

I called home during a break, only to hear all hell breaking loose in the background. They were both hopped-up on donuts and the mere act of Hubby talking to me on the phone sent them into a sugar-fueled frenzy. He couldn’t do it, I was talking in one ear and the kids were yelling in the other. He made some noises like trying to get another word in sideways but finally gave up and said he had to go. They cut him from the herd because they had him outnumbered, poor gazelle, I mean guy.