As you probably know, Saturday was my 40th birthday. When pressed about what I wanted for my birthday I had a very hard time thinking of things, objects that I wanted. Let’s see, I already have a computer (obviously), I got an iPod for Mother’s Day, I don’t really need a lot of clothes (I’ll be wearing scrubs in Clinicals), a new Coach purse, while nice, would be useless right now. So, after much thought, I asked for and got what I wanted: time. Time without the kids, time to browse in a bookstore, time to do things for me instead of for someone else. My folks kept the kids while Hubby and I went to a nice, sedate, quiet, grown-up lunch at P.F. Chang’s, then we went to a bookstore where I didn’t have to spend the entire time ensconced in the children’s section. After I picked out three books and three magazines, we went to see the Sex and The City movie.

I thoroughly loved this movie and, except for some mild camera-operator pilot errors, could find no flaws. I realize that not everyone was a fan of the series, but I was an ardent fan, nay, devoted fan, ok both. A couple of years ago Hubby even bought me the full boxed set, in the attractive hot pink velveteen binder protected with a Plexiglas box. Trust me, SATC is a pleasant change from all the children’s programming I am forced to watch.

Lots of people have had problems with this movie for various and sundry reasons, too many to really go indepth about. But I’ll try to offer rebuttals as I go along. O.K., this is a chick flick, attractive only to women and gay men, hm? Well, my husband used to watch the series with me and enjoyed as much as I did. And there were other men in the theater, seemingly with their wives and not a single one looked bored or angry or resentful to be there. To address the despicable “chick flick” label, the four main characters are indeed women and the stories being told are from their points of view, but the men in their lives are no mere accessories, pawns for the playing. All the male characters are presented as complex people with good sides and bad, with lives and motivations of their own. Much like real people.

Of course, in many movies with male leads, the women are afterthoughts, arm candy, distractions, trophies. One-dimensional, universally blandly pretty and unchallenging, pliant and intellectually inferior. Unless of course they are bad. Bad women are allowed to be real. In Sex and The City, real women are allowed to be bad or good or marginal or selfish or petty or vain or forgiving or unselfish or heroic or loyal or depressed or weepy or poopy or tired or desirable or desiring or smart or foolish. Much like real people.

See how nicely that works out, men and women are portrayed as real people. And for fans of the show, we care about these characters because we can project ourselves onto them. While I identified with the writer aspect of Carrie, it was Charlotte’s struggle with fertility and miscarriage that carried particular weight with me, as I too experienced those very things.

A large portion of people (my parents among them) are aghast at the very notion of single women even having sex lives. When I told Mom which movie Hubby was taking me to, she practically got the vapors. “Ohhhh!” she said, like I’d told her I planning on visiting a bordello or maybe taking a few spins around a stripper pole. So I teased her. “‘Ohhhh!’ What does that even mean?!” I said back to her. Then when I called my dad to tell him we had to go to the later show he asked me. So told him, “Sex and The City“, you know like it was no big deal, because it’s no big deal. He said the same damn thing, “Oh.” but really clipped, like he didn’t approve of my free-wheelin’ ways. That’s me, shameless hussy.

But this movie is NOT porn, the word “sex” may be in the title but it is a good, old-fashioned love story. With boobies. Seriously, it doesn’t matter if the love is for a spouse, a child, friends, or one’s self. I gather that is another thing that makes a different segment of the population uncomfortable. The notion that love is important, maybe all-important.

I have actually seen some opinions castigating the characters for being interested only in marriage and family. And shoes. Relationships are the things that make life better or even tolerable. Because honestly, at the end of your life, what will you count most important? A job or friends and family? My mother-in-law had a dear friend who never married or had children, but she had friends who stayed by her side. She was a lovely woman who came to my baby shower and got to meet my son. Because she cultivated her relationships, I will always speak well of her, and tell my children about her.

That search for relationships is just human nature. We seek connections. And SATC was about connections. Maybe those connections will be romantic, sexual, marital, maternal, or platonic, but they are still connections and we still crave them. The world is a cold, nasty, bitter place with dark scary corners and creatures that howl in the night, but having a hand to hold has the power to give us courage. To light the dark corners and vanquish the monsters. What poor things we become when we deny ourselves that hand to hold, and insist that no, I’m fine on my own, I can do it by myself.

And that brings me to another point–the apparent absence of the characters’ families of origin. But Carrie once mentions that her dad left and Miranda’s mom dies in the course of the show, so it’s not like they sprang, fully formed, from the earth, wearing the latest fashions. And I think the point is that the four friends are each others families. In fact, Carrie-as-narrator said something to the effect that sometimes the families we make are more important than the ones we happen to be born into. I’m currently re-watching the whole series and when I find the exact quote I’m looking for, I’ll post it here.

And don’t know about how other moms feel about it, but one of the funnest parts of the show, and movie, is the fashion. I live in capris or jeans and t-shirts, so I get a kind of vicarious thrill from seeing the kind of clothes I would never wear. But I absolutely swoon over Carrie’s impossible shoes. With my bum hip and, you know, my life, I can’t wear high heels but I love to see them on Carrie. Seems like a lot of reviewers who should know better are positively offended that the characters spend money, time, and effort on fashion. But I think it’s kind of affirming: they have the desire and disposable income to spend on things that are solely for themselves. Because, honestly, most straight men don’t care what women wear. They know when we look nice, but that’s about it. The specifics of fashion escape them.

And because of the frivolity of fashion, some reviewers are upset that the Sex and The City movie is frivolous. Seriously. Did they think that they were going to see An Inconvenient Truth? Or maybe a Michael Moore movie? Or possibly Gandhi? And another point, is it trivial and frivolous simply because the lives of women, single or married, are assumed to be trivial and frivolous? If a woman cares about it, clothes, shoes, love, whatever, it’s by definition less important than the things men care about. Like fantasy football and motorcycles and comic-book superheroes. Please. If men, en masse, started passionately caring about fashion you better believe that, all of a sudden, fashion would be afforded more gravitas.

I know less than nothing about NYC real estate, but it doesn’t seem improbable to me that four successful women with no children (at the beginning of the series) should be able to afford apartments. Let’s see: Charlotte is a successful art dealer, then she marries a congenitally rich guy and then a successful lawyer; Miranda is a successful lawyer, all on her little lonesome; Samantha is described as a successful public relations executive; and Carrie is a successful writer. Maybe it’s that word “successful” that makes some people uncomfortable. These women are successful at things outside of marriage, so since they’ve got that covered why not focus on the personal relationship aspects of their lives? And to those that think a free-lance writer like Carrie can’t possibly afford that apartment–dude, it’s a dinky place. It’s totally unlike the impossible apartments in “Friends” and did I mention that whole successful writer thing. Free-lancers don’t have just one gig, that would be foolhardy. The series even addresses one of her other jobs: Vogue. And then later, she becomes a published author. And by the time the movie rolls around, she has published three books and has another on the way. There’s that whole successful thing.

And another way a lot of women identify with SATC is the manner and timing with which the characters order their lives. Lots of women are delaying marriage and childbearing to establish careers, identities, lives beyond what has traditionally been afforded to women. Increasingly, women are no longer allowing themselves to be defined only by marriage and children. And Sex and The City beautifully illustrates this, even while looking for love these characters remain true to themselves.

One last thing, I really, really, really like seeing women my age in movies. Attention Hollywood: more, please. More women with lines and character in their faces, more women without breast implants, more female characters who can string more than a couple of words together cogently, more gutsy dames, more women who are challenging, more women who are vital and sexy even in their dotage (that would be in their 40’s in Hollywood years), more women who refuse to be defined on a man’s terms, give me more of what I want and I will gladly give you more of my entertainment dollars. And are you listening, Hollywood? I am the one who pushes us to go see movies at the theater. If it were up to Hubby, we’d never leave the house. So if you want my, our money, you better pony up with the goods.

Shorter me: Sex and The City was a great movie, it totally did what all good movies are supposed to do–drew me in and made me forget about the passing of time in the outside world. The last movie that did that for me was Big Fish. What an awesome way to spend my 40th birthday! Anyone know where I can send my Thank You card to Sarah Jessica Parker?

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